Whew, wish I has thought to change that sooner. Multiple personalities was getting fucking annoying. Makes sense though, back then there was only one.
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I detest people who build their lives around the TV screen, but I am no better. Who am I to judge people for mindlessly consuming content when I've ground my brain into such a fine dust that I can't remember anything for longer than five seconds? Reading is fun and interesting again, but the imagery built in my head is just being described to me word for word; what makes that so much more intellectually stimulating than forum speculation of the next HBO plot twist?
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minimalism
minimal heart
minimal thoughts
minimal voice
minimal ability to write
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I never opened up to you. That's what I want. I want so much to be with someone with whom I could so confidently bare my soul (if I had one). I've never opened up to anyone in my entire life. Okay, there was once, a brief moment, but that was to help shut her up. I'm tired of shielding myself. I didn't mean to, but it's subconscious at this point. A defense mechanism. I spent every minute overthinking, tentative, not wanting to make a mistake. That was a mistake.
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Do I? Obviously. No. I don't want to. Definitely. I don't know. Do you? I don't even know who you are. I stare at you every day because I'm craving to understand what goes on behind those eyes, but I haven't gotten any closer. I listen for your voice far more than is healthy. Should I even write this? Will this make me sound pathetic? Who cares? It's not like you're losing anything. There I go again. Hey self, remember, it's a defense mechanism. Never mind. Hey. I want to fast forward. I want to no longer be in flux so I can chase my dreams. dream. of being open. Select all. Delete.
