4:42am to 7:35am

I can't stand still. I initially thought to look for a quiet place where I could sit and think for a while, but I can't bring myself to stop. I feel like I'm desperately searching for something, but I don't know what. I climb the stairs past the inverted fountain. When I reached the top, I had a sudden urge to run. So I did. My jeans scratch my legs with every step, and I only ever pause to update this. I see cars circling... but with drivers whom I believe to be certain of their destination. I feel the eyes of someone in the distance watching me, and my motivation turns to fear. I freeze and look around, but can't find anything that could even be mistaken for eyes. I walk. I see a figure walking towards me. But it's a girl. Short. Black hair. Most likely asian. Blue jacket. Large purse that seems to hinder her every step. She starts catching up, but turns the corner behind me. The library isn't empty either; I see someone leaving. I decide not to head in; I feel like people in there have an immediate sense of urgency. I should be feeling the same. But fuck that. I am approaching the center of UCLA and am seeing more signs of life. A plastic bag is caught in a tree branch. Seems to be filled with something. I stare out from atop Janss ateps, but feel nothing. I look behind me; nothing. A warm breeze, maybe. I adjust my glasses, and I run again. Down the steps. Skip the 4th. People emerge from the underground parking lots and appear to be beginning their day. Back to where I came from, I guess. Back to Westwood x Strathmore. Nah. Into Westwood. Maybe I'll grab something from CVS. Is there anything else open 24 hours? Is that an open sign on Stan's Donut's? I'll have the one with blue sprinkles, please. Back to Westwood Boulevard, and I just go. I run fast enough to distract myself from thinking. More cars, but no people. Thought about her for a quick second, even though she doesn't really mean all that much to me. More like a placeholder. Cute, though. After a while, I notice that I've been here before. Ah, there's that shitty 24/7 pho place. I force a smile along with my falsely enthusiastic "Sorry for waking you up!" Chicken Pho and Vietnamese Coffee with boba. 12 bucks. Done. Hey, would you look at that, I guess the sun rose today at... 6:45am. "Sorry man, I don't have any change. Would you want my drink? I just bought it. Yeah man, no problem. Enjoy it." He mumbled something about the Secretary of State, but I forgot already. Fuck walking back. I'll bus it. Hey I'm near the hospital, might as well check in on my CareExtender! I use that fake-as-fuck persona and tell him that I just thought it'd be good to check in on him and see how his shifts have been going. "You just happen to be awake at 7 in the morning?" he says quizzically. I give a 5 second summary. "That sounds miserable." I know.

Someone wake me up.
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i drowned trying to find a mermaid
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i fall in love every night
how could i not?
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happiness is fleeting
love is for sinners
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Dream: 10/17/11 - 10/18/11

JN. I hugged you tightly, and you held me back. I pulled you in, lifted you, looked up into your eyes, asked, "When will I see you again?" then smiled. You smiled back and quickly kissed me on my teeth before I could finish smiling.

the fuck. i barely even know you. you're just cute. and maybe act like that with everyone else. and maybe aren't even single. yeah it's pointless... but it's still fun.
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you are wholly unremarkable. get over yourself.
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I don't give one single fuck about you. or your beautiful eyes. or your cute little smile.
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delusions of grandeur
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fucking relapses. i just miss being able to make you happy.
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manic pixie dream girl
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you're adorable when you're absorbed in that little game of yours. i liked seeing you furrow your eyebrows in confusion and concentration, soon followed by that grin of accomplishment you flash when you solve a puzzle.







i want to sing you a song